My Granny’s Last Words

Leave me alone, fat ass bitch!!!(obviously a euphemistic statement)

Yea, these were her last words, to my aunt who was trying to calm her down!!! 

My aunt used to think she was her favourite child, turned out something else. 

We took her to hospital, after she started behaving abnormally, not that she behaved normally every time, but this time, we felt it was a bit serious. 

She even called, the doctor, a retard…….. He was very upset.

He even complained to my father, saying

Did I study so much only to be called a retard??

My granny wanted to live, but calling the doctor, retard is not a very good idea when you intend to live. And hence she died.  

Her funeral was a hectic affair. I dont remember if anyone was really sad for her. Guests had arrived and none of our family members were crying, it was really embarrassing. My cousin gave me a stern look, and silently indicated me to fake crying, I did the same to my sister, to which she said, 

Pagal ho kya, makeup kharab ho gya toh?? Photo bhi to achhi aani chahiye……..

Finally, it was my aunt who cried. 

Granny’s belongings contained, my mum’s lost ear rings(we believed that maid had stolen them) and my sister’s lipstick. And a hanky full of  pistachios and cashew nuts, a fidget spinner that I really liked and a really expensive pen, which my dad had gifted to me. 

She used to say, that you all would miss me when I’d die. It’s been 2 years now, she is dead. I got full control of the room, my sister got the freedom to do whatever she wishes, my mum got rid of the jibes and taunts and my dad inherited a piece of land. But none of us really miss her.

Sometimes we’ve to act very emotional when it comes to granny. 

I remember once a relative told me, that people do say, very wise things on their death bed, I said, “yea, leave me alone, fat ass bitch.” 

Wisest thing ever said!!!!

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38 comments

  1. Fab Writings · June 11

    Without even continuing with this post further, let me just first say this.
    Oh god!! That were her last words! What else to expect from you! And your granny! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    A FIDGET SPINNER!!!! seriously!!??
    Oh man, I don’t know if I should laugh that hard about someone’s passing away, but your humor is too good Bhai!
    Long time no see, how are you?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Shaggy · June 11

      My grandad words were equally pleasant to ears…….
      You can expect something quirky as my last words as well, and my thankless grandson would be posting about it on wordpress for “likes” and for impressing girls with his sense of humor……. Circle of life, you see.

      Yea, dude ,would you believe, a fidget spinner, she stole my fidget spinner!!!😒😒😒

      You can laugh, we laughed, we’ve been laughing, since the day she passed.

      Exams bro!!! It’s over now, you’ll see me more often now!!! Btw how you doing, would have to catch up with your posts…..

      πŸ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

      • Fab Writings · June 11

        Hahaha, and my grandson would be appreciating your grandsons humour then too!
        Lol, circles of life!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        What is there in a Fidget spinner, I find it stupid, don’t mind please. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        Oh man!! I’m still laughing!

        I am doing great! And read them whenever you like. 😊
        I won’t ask how were the exams, they must have been great! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • Shaggy · June 11

        A fidget spinner?? It’s a toy, bro……
        It’s not supposed to have or do anything, it spins that’s that……
        You will not find it stupid, once you start fidgeting, dont buy the cheap ones though, they are indeed stupid.
        Yea sure, reading them vey soon……
        Why would you think exams were great??
        Do I look like an intelligent guy???

        Liked by 1 person

      • Fab Writings · June 11

        Looks like I touched a sensitive nerve… Keep this spinner aside bhai! Lol
        I would have known by your looks, only if I could get a look at your looks.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

  2. What a humourous read! I am probably going to be badass granny!
    Loved the way you wrote it.
    Rest in peace Granny.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pradita Kapahi · June 11

    πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚. Laughed my way all through this. Not to sound like a retard, but were those actually her words?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Shaggy · June 11

      Don’t judge my family Prads, but yes those were exactly her words……..
      And my grandfather, his last words were to me, he said
      Stop shaking the ladder you little bastard!!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Pradita Kapahi · June 11

        OH MY GOD! I could die laughing. No wonder you’re so funny. It’s in your genes. You have a rocking family!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Shaggy · June 11

        I am so so happy you enjoyed it!!!
        Hahaha sure enough, thank you very much!!!
        A rocking family certainly!!!😁😁😁

        Liked by 1 person

      • Pradita Kapahi · June 11

        You’re most welcome 😊 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Sifar · June 11

    No comments!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Shaggy · June 11

      Oh well!!! All I can say is I can try not posting anythin such in future……….. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. GirlfromGhana · June 11

    This is so funnyπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. I just your comment about your grandfather

    Like

  6. GirlfromGhana · June 11

    …grandfather’s last words. It’s quite sad that none of you actually miss her. I want my grandchildren to miss me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Shaggy · June 11

      I am sure you’d be a great granny and your grandchildren would miss you…….
      Make sure you don’t steal their toys like mine did!!!! πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹

      Liked by 1 person

  7. laurelwolfelives · June 11

    Your granny sounds like a hoot! Full of spit and vinegar (as we in the South say.) LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Moushmi Radhanpara · June 12

    I liked the humour used. and somewhere I could relate to it too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Shaggy · June 12

      Really??? Have you too got your toys stolen???

      Liked by 1 person

      • Moushmi Radhanpara · June 13

        Hahaha
        Nope, not anything stolen. It’s a bit more complicated, but I can safely say that I can relate to it.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Shaggy · June 14

        I am glad you could. good to know I ain’t alone who feels such………

        Liked by 1 person

  9. mamabasic · June 14

    Pahahahaha .. I shall read this anytime I feel down, hilarious!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. eliza rudolf · June 15

    Very touching☺☺☺

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Deepti Nair · July 12

    You’re amazing πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    And you’re granny was “amazing-er” πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    No, seriously…how cool can a granny be? RIP granny maa !
    You have to have inherited your funny bones from her πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Harry😎 · July 13

      Ah! Thank you soo much!!
      Half of my relatives disowned me after this post, wish they were half as cool as my granny…..
      Had she been alive now, we’d both be smoking pot together…….

      RIPπŸ’πŸ’

      Wish my parents were this fun loving.

      How’s the math grad doing?? No posts lately??

      Liked by 1 person

      • Deepti Nair · July 13

        πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
        Yeah i’ve been pretty busy lately.

        Like

  12. Garfield Hug · July 14

    This is hilariously written. Your grandma was quite a character. I too am amazed she took your fidget spinner!πŸ˜ƒ

    Liked by 1 person

    • Shaggy · 17 Days Ago

      Hey, sorry for taking so long to reply.

      Oh sure she was. I am glad it made you happy!!!😊😊

      Like

  13. skynimbusx · 12 Days Ago

    Wow! Your family is hilarious! It’s easy to see where you get your humour!
    And I honestly can’t believe those were her last words. Wow. πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Shaggy · 12 Days Ago

      Hilarious?? Isn’t, crazy the right word!!!
      Oh trust me, those were exactly her words. If she had lived for a few more minutes she would’ve made a rap out of it. Kuch bhi bolo badi talented thi dadi

      Like

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